


can't go home alone again

by uwu



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 06:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1847794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwu/pseuds/uwu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But he always goes to sleep remembering. Remembering everything; remembering blood splatters and the feel of wind in his hair as he adjusts his gun to it, remembers Steve’s face when he brought home little stubs of pencils, all he could get back then. (Steve’s bright blue eyes, his smile just for him. Just for Bucky.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	can't go home alone again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [glassballoons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassballoons/gifts).



> happy birthday ebbs!

but i knew him

but i

but

 _b_

_u_

_t_

***

Sometimes when he wakes up he doesn’t remember, and it’s like losing everything all over again. Almost as bad as the times when he remembers; wakes up with his lips opened for a scream that’ll never come out, his target’s names and faces flashing beneath his eyelids before he can open them. He can’t count the number of times he’s broken the alarm clock on the desk next to whatever bed he’s on (if he’s on a bed that day), or worse, the desk itself.

But he always goes to sleep remembering. Remembering _everything_ ; remembering blood splatters and the feel of wind in his hair as he adjusts his gun to it, remembers Steve’s face when he brought home little stubs of pencils, all he could get back then. (Steve’s bright blue eyes, his smile just for him. Just for Bucky.)

In the end it doesn’t really matter, because he hasn’t got Steve anymore, hasn’t got anything worth holding onto anymore.

***

It’s been awhile since Steve thought he saw Bucky in every crowd, and every face he saw (no it hasn’t). Since he’s felt Bucky’s absence like a phantom limb, (can’t help but think of Bucky’s metal arm when he feels it), thinks of Bucky’s smile that was just for him, his worried frown when Steve was gasping for air. The little wrinkle between his eyes that he helped make, getting beat up and almost dying from the cold too often.

He ends up drawing him so much he starts running out of art supplies, drawing until even his hands hurt.

And then he actually sees him. After months of looking all over, Bucky’s right in his neighborhood. Or well, his museum exhibit.

***

They end up moving in together, just like old times, except now they can afford more than a shoebox apartment with paper thin walls. They’ve got heat and food, but they still sleep in a bed together (now they use the excuse of nightmares instead of cold rushing through their thin walls, and piercing them to their bones), eat together, spend all day together like they’re trying to make up for 70 years apart. All Bucky knows is he doesn’t want to let go of Steve, he doesn’t want to forget ever again.

They hold each other through panic attacks, and doesn’t hold each other when neither one can handle it. Holds hands, and goes to grocery stores, and don’t talk about the important things because they just know. They’re not the boys or men they were before, but they still hold onto those memories. (Steve still wakes up screaming Bucky’s name, watching him fall

                                                                                                                   fa _ll_

    f _a_

_l_

_l_ )

 

Bucky still spends days on end awake, laying beside Steve not knowing he’s not asleep either.

 

It’s not perfect.

 

But it’s working, so far.

 

***

And then they kiss.

***

Bucky kisses Steve. And Steve kisses Bucky.  

And they fuck.

***

Fuck is a crude word for what they do, but makes love feels like a bit much (but in the back of his mind thats what he thinks of when he’s kissing Steve while he’s inside of him). He spends hours just kissing him, just like he spends hours trying to get caught up on what he missed while he was frozen. Pop culture, and presidents, advancements in technology (advancements in weapons he knows), everything you can think of.

Wakes up next to Steve, and kisses him like the world's ending, makes dinner with him, falls asleep next to him.

And.

He thinks he might be happy. He thinks they’ll be okay.

 


End file.
